On getting my sh*t back together

source: rubyetc

These past few months, it seemed as though I'd lost absolutely all my motivation. It was... a terrifying feeling; my grades were plummeting, I felt incompetently lazy all the time, I was incredibly overwhelmed, and it seemed as though I had so much to do all the time. But no matter what, I just couldn't get out of bed and get my sh*t done. I pushed it all back and told myself I would get it done eventually. 

Well, as most fellow procrastinators know, to "get it done eventually" is synonymous with "to never really get it done." My parents would often ask me how I was doing in school, what my grades were, and the like. And most often I lied to them. 

So many things ran through my head at once; "violin lesson tonight, I work all afternoon tomorrow, eye appointment Wednesday-- speaking of eye appointments, I need to talk to mom about contacts. I'm absolutely sick of these glasses. I should check my email. Oh shoot, ACT's are coming up soon, I need to register for those. Ugh. What if I don't do well? What if no college will accept me? Speaking of which-- which college am I going to? I need to look at scholarships soon. What will I do in college? What kind of job will I have? Where will I live? What if I end up being a completely average and boring human being? But I can't be-- everyone has a place in the universe." These thoughts plagued me to my core. So naturally, instead of going out and confronting these things that I had to do, I hid in my bed and retreated into the wonderful, yet completely distracting world of the internet.

Many high schoolers have probably gone through similar experiences; a flop in the year where no matter what, we just can't pull ourselves out of the gutter and get to work. I can't lie-- I am to be blamed for it. I should've been working harder and putting in all of my effort- I just... didn't want to confront my responsibilities. 

Recently, I've been able to bring my motivation back. Slowly, yet surely. I've been starting my homework earlier, planning ahead, listing out daily to-do's, and making use of my time. Heck, I've even turned off my electronic devices, which as we all know, is always a bitter (but temporary) farewell. 

Truth be told, going through these temporary weird phases is merely a part of being a teenager. We mess up, lie, fail tests, and make bad decisions (it's not our heads making the decisions, it's our outrageous hormones and underdeveloped prefrontal cortex). The important part is that we eventually learn from past experiences, and use them to be better and more responsible people.